Zombieland

Ahahahahahaha, okay so this is totally cheating. Zombieland is not a horror movie at all. It is, like, a slice of life movie.
But that's okay! I'm reviewing this shit.

First off, I find it interesting how much the zombie genre has really become... well... a genre. It's essentially a sub-genre of horror and apocalypse films, but its managed to develop into something of its own. Within the zombie genre we have such diverse entries as Invasion of the Body Snatchers, 28 Days Later, Dawn of the Dead, Shaun of the Dead... etc etc... It's ranged from serious to camp, from apocalyptic to... well... it's always been apocalyptic.
But still! The zombie genre is surprisingly teeming with activity. People really do love zombies.

And man... I love zombies too. I love those rotting bastards.

For this reason I at once love Zombieland and dislike it.

Zombieland follows the character of "Columbus", a teenage boy who looks like he just walked out of "Saved by the Bell". Awkward, nerdy, the only way Columbus has managed to survive the zombie apocalypse is by being really ocd. The movie makes a point of how he has a list of survival rules during a zombie apocalypse. Rules like "beware bathrooms" and "the double tap".
The next character to be introduced is the best character. That character is "Tallahassee", played by Woody Harrelson, the bounty hunter named Carson Wells in No Country for Old Men.

Everything after Tallahassee is just a diversion, an attempt to distract you and make you pay less attention to Tallahassee. Do not fall for this trick.

Tallahassee, a gun totin', kick assin' dude goes about totin' guns and kickin' ass. That is what Tallahassee does. He also eats twinkies and is probably the most relate-able and lovable character. He drives trucks and he hates bitches.
Bitches suck! Zombies suck! BREAKING STUFF IS AWESOME.

Okay, I lost track of what I was talking about.
Right. The cast.
After meeting up with Tallahassee, him and Columbus do stuff and this is great.
And then those two dudes meet up with some women.
Or, as I would call them, bitches.

Basically blah blah blah and Columbus gets a love interest with the one girl that's his age and there is also a little girl and they're sisters and they care for each other. I guess this is supposed to be heartwarming? But, like, Tallahassee has already got the heartwarming down. I mean, just listen to him talk about his dog. If you aren't affected by it... I don't want to speak to you.

OH.
I FORGOT.
ZOMBIES.
So the whole deal is that there are zombies. Essentially these four people are the only characters except for an awesome... awesome surprise fifth person. They traverse this wasteland, Tallahassee fights some zombies (Tallahassee fights some zombies), they stay in a hollywood place, they're having a great time... and then like, yeah... girl problems and the boy goes to rescue her because they're in love remember?

Tallahassee goes with the boy to help out, of course, cuz Tallahassee is just a really cool dude. That's just how he does things.
And then the movie ends.

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So what did I think of Zombieland?
Well, like I said, I like zombies.
In a lot of ways I appreciate what Zombieland does. It puts these people in a zombie setting and they stress how they're just ordinary dudes who do what they do. Comparisons are made with Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead and, while appropriate in a sense, I feel the comparison is fairly wrong. Zombieland isn't... silly like Shaun of the Dead was. Zombieland's humor falls pretty much entirely on Tallahassee being a rugged cool dude and Columbus being an adorably awkward teen.
What I like about Zombieland is that it pokes fun at the zombie genre without being stupid. When the people go to Hollywood and live in a celebrities house, I was thinking "Yes! This makes total sense and is exactly what I would do in a zombie situation."
And Tallahassee. Man. Tallahassee is the best thing this film has going for it. He's likable and, more importantly, he suits the circumstances. The circumstances being A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.

This is the problem with the film. The zombies are a backdrop. Like, the zombie circumstances add nothing to the slice of life, boy meets girl story that plays such a central role. And not in the silly, ha ha way portrayed in Shaun of the Dead. No, Zombieland's boy meet girl story is almost devoid of humor except for some cliche jokes.
That's the thing, despite sidestepping and poking fun at the cliches of the zombie genre, the movie just dives right into all of the cliches of a teenage love film and, despite being called "Zombieland", one of the major focuses of the film is that love story.

Because of this dichotomy the film's pace suffers. Naturally, zombies have to attack at some point. However, when they finally do it feels really out of place, and this is exactly because up until that moment the movie was Even Stevens.
And then the film just ends.

There wasn't a moment where I was excited or waiting to see what came next. The premise of a boy meet girl film set in a zombie world sounds pretty great but it would have worked better if the two ever crossed over. Instead the film just flips on and off and at the end of the film you feel like you just watched a heartwarming romantic comedy.
I didn't dislike Zombieland, in fact I liked it. But it didn't leave me with a feeling like it was very well organized or well realized. The concept was solid and, for the most part, that's what carries it through.

Paranormal Activity

Paranormal Activity is an independent horror film made in 2007, winning awards in 2008, and got limited release in theatres in 2009. It was filmed with a claimed budget of 15,000 dollars.

Paranormal Activity centers around a new couple, moving into a new house. From those words only you might already be thinking "wow, cliche horror film". The couple is experiencing bizarre happenings... the girl feels that something paranormal is going on. The guy is dismissive and even mocking of it. At some point the guy walks up into a pitch black attic despite it being obvious he should not do this. A "paranormal expert" is called in, the word "demonologist" is said.
If you're thinking this sounds like a cliche wrapped in a trope, then you share the perspective I had when I went to watch this movie.

Now here's the kicker... you almost never notice. It's brilliant, despite going through all the paces of a b-movie rip-off of the Blair Witch Project, like all those other Sci-fi channel (SyFy) "ghost stories", it manages to circumvent all of it and come across as an original and chilling film.

I said Blair Witch Project rip off and for good reason.
The Blair Witch Project was an interesting idea. It sold itself as being a "true story", it gave the appearance of being a bunch of footage filmed by a bunch of teens out experiencing spooky shit. Now, as a caveat, I take issue with the Blair Witch Project. Mostly because those teenagers are retarded and pretty unbelievable. Not because of the horror but because those dudes were dumbasses.
Paranormal Activity takes the same route, meaning it is a bunch of footage filmed by the people experiencing the spooky stuff. Bad camera work, grainy footage... the works.
But Paranormal Activity does the homemade movie feel so... so so so SO much better than Blair it isn't even fair to compare them. And the couple in Paranormal Activity are very believable.

The good in PA? Here's the laundrylist.
1. The pacing.
The movie builds and builds. It doesn't rush into the horror, it develops its characters and the atmosphere perfectly.
2. The suspense.
The pacing plays into this but it deserves a separate point. Every time the film goes into showing the couple sleeping... you are literally on edge. I noticed that, everytime those scenes ended, my legs were brought up off the floor and my shoulders were hunched... I was clenched into a ball. The brilliant thing about it though? There were no sudden jumps, flashes of blood or teeth, it's almost as if nothing happened. And yet, I was scared.
3. The character development.
I cared for these people. The husband was lovable and I shared every feeling they had. When they started doing cliche horror moves, like going into dark rooms, I didn't feel it was forced or stupid. I felt like they were doing the right thing.

Now, I obviously really enjoyed this film, but that doesn't mean I don't have anything bad to say about it...
I said it manages to avoid being obviously cliche... but that's not entirely true.
Here's the bad laundry list.
1. A paranormal expert.
At some point the couple decides to consult a dude who specializes in the occult. When I heard this I rolled my eyes. The dude shows up and says a bunch of spooky shit with a completely straight face and, honestly? it just seemed silly. However, this is the most minor of offenses. It's offset by the husbands clear mockery of the "expert".
2. The rationalization.
Of course, the movie decides to make some attempt at rationalizing the haunting they are getting. (strictly speaking, it isn't a haunting. But whatever)
The rationalization is pretty mediocre and forced and I didn't care for it. It's cliche too. Luckily, it's given very little attention in the film.
3. A Ouija Board
A fucking ouija board.
What.
Why did you include this?
It gets close to undermining all of the believability the film had built up. I had to shut out its existence, it was so offensive. It moves at one point and spells out something, then lights afire.
I put my hand up to my eyes, not because it was scary... but because I just didn't want to see this dumbass scene take place.

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Nevertheless, the film does a fantastic job. Despite some hiccups, it never really loses its believability and suspense. It has a great vibe and is kept to a good length. You really fall for the characters and the bedroom scenes are spooky as hell.
And when the shit finally hits the fan? I was terrified.

What I appreciate about Paranormal Activity is that it appeals to horror film junkies and regular people alike. A horror film junkie can watch it and see all of the cliches, yet still appreciate it for the way it makes them believable. A regular viewer can watch it and see an original and chilling piece of fiction.

It definitely doesn't break boundaries or redefine the genre, but it plays the cards its dealt very, very well. Definitely something I would recommend watching. And if you have friends who aren't into the horror genre, take them to see this.

***********DON'T READ AHEAD IF YOU DON'T WANT THINGS SPOILED***************
*****
*****
*****
*****
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*****
The thing I appreciated the most? The entire film plays the "real footage" trope to the very end... until, of course, it reaches the end. At the very end, the demon destroys the camera. There were no survivors. It leaves a very eerie impression. The existence of the footage itself is... paranormal, that you are watching something that was touched by a demon. I appreciated that touch a lot, that it turns the "real footage" trope on its head.

And that scream at the end. Oh God. That is going to haunt me for a long, long time. One of the best screams I've heard in a horror film.