Zombieland

Ahahahahahaha, okay so this is totally cheating. Zombieland is not a horror movie at all. It is, like, a slice of life movie.
But that's okay! I'm reviewing this shit.

First off, I find it interesting how much the zombie genre has really become... well... a genre. It's essentially a sub-genre of horror and apocalypse films, but its managed to develop into something of its own. Within the zombie genre we have such diverse entries as Invasion of the Body Snatchers, 28 Days Later, Dawn of the Dead, Shaun of the Dead... etc etc... It's ranged from serious to camp, from apocalyptic to... well... it's always been apocalyptic.
But still! The zombie genre is surprisingly teeming with activity. People really do love zombies.

And man... I love zombies too. I love those rotting bastards.

For this reason I at once love Zombieland and dislike it.

Zombieland follows the character of "Columbus", a teenage boy who looks like he just walked out of "Saved by the Bell". Awkward, nerdy, the only way Columbus has managed to survive the zombie apocalypse is by being really ocd. The movie makes a point of how he has a list of survival rules during a zombie apocalypse. Rules like "beware bathrooms" and "the double tap".
The next character to be introduced is the best character. That character is "Tallahassee", played by Woody Harrelson, the bounty hunter named Carson Wells in No Country for Old Men.

Everything after Tallahassee is just a diversion, an attempt to distract you and make you pay less attention to Tallahassee. Do not fall for this trick.

Tallahassee, a gun totin', kick assin' dude goes about totin' guns and kickin' ass. That is what Tallahassee does. He also eats twinkies and is probably the most relate-able and lovable character. He drives trucks and he hates bitches.
Bitches suck! Zombies suck! BREAKING STUFF IS AWESOME.

Okay, I lost track of what I was talking about.
Right. The cast.
After meeting up with Tallahassee, him and Columbus do stuff and this is great.
And then those two dudes meet up with some women.
Or, as I would call them, bitches.

Basically blah blah blah and Columbus gets a love interest with the one girl that's his age and there is also a little girl and they're sisters and they care for each other. I guess this is supposed to be heartwarming? But, like, Tallahassee has already got the heartwarming down. I mean, just listen to him talk about his dog. If you aren't affected by it... I don't want to speak to you.

OH.
I FORGOT.
ZOMBIES.
So the whole deal is that there are zombies. Essentially these four people are the only characters except for an awesome... awesome surprise fifth person. They traverse this wasteland, Tallahassee fights some zombies (Tallahassee fights some zombies), they stay in a hollywood place, they're having a great time... and then like, yeah... girl problems and the boy goes to rescue her because they're in love remember?

Tallahassee goes with the boy to help out, of course, cuz Tallahassee is just a really cool dude. That's just how he does things.
And then the movie ends.

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So what did I think of Zombieland?
Well, like I said, I like zombies.
In a lot of ways I appreciate what Zombieland does. It puts these people in a zombie setting and they stress how they're just ordinary dudes who do what they do. Comparisons are made with Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead and, while appropriate in a sense, I feel the comparison is fairly wrong. Zombieland isn't... silly like Shaun of the Dead was. Zombieland's humor falls pretty much entirely on Tallahassee being a rugged cool dude and Columbus being an adorably awkward teen.
What I like about Zombieland is that it pokes fun at the zombie genre without being stupid. When the people go to Hollywood and live in a celebrities house, I was thinking "Yes! This makes total sense and is exactly what I would do in a zombie situation."
And Tallahassee. Man. Tallahassee is the best thing this film has going for it. He's likable and, more importantly, he suits the circumstances. The circumstances being A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.

This is the problem with the film. The zombies are a backdrop. Like, the zombie circumstances add nothing to the slice of life, boy meets girl story that plays such a central role. And not in the silly, ha ha way portrayed in Shaun of the Dead. No, Zombieland's boy meet girl story is almost devoid of humor except for some cliche jokes.
That's the thing, despite sidestepping and poking fun at the cliches of the zombie genre, the movie just dives right into all of the cliches of a teenage love film and, despite being called "Zombieland", one of the major focuses of the film is that love story.

Because of this dichotomy the film's pace suffers. Naturally, zombies have to attack at some point. However, when they finally do it feels really out of place, and this is exactly because up until that moment the movie was Even Stevens.
And then the film just ends.

There wasn't a moment where I was excited or waiting to see what came next. The premise of a boy meet girl film set in a zombie world sounds pretty great but it would have worked better if the two ever crossed over. Instead the film just flips on and off and at the end of the film you feel like you just watched a heartwarming romantic comedy.
I didn't dislike Zombieland, in fact I liked it. But it didn't leave me with a feeling like it was very well organized or well realized. The concept was solid and, for the most part, that's what carries it through.